apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
