I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She's like a pop up book from hell.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
