Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
