mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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