Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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