he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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