someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
