Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
