Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
