I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
