If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
