just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
