So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
