Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
