your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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