I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
