I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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