you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
