I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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