it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
These tits shall not be calmed
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
