apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
