if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
