the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
