he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
