I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
