i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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