i always forget guys have bellybuttons
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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