I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
