Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize