I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
