Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
