At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
