Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
