Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
