the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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