ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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