I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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