Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
