smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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