when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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