you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize