for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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