I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize