i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
