Will you blow on my dice?
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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