I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
