Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
