Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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