Your tits are I can't wait for
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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