Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
