I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
