it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize