i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
