shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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