i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
