"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
