he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
