Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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