i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
