Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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