well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
