just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
