Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
