Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
