All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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