I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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