Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
