the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize