Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
