Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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