I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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