I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
