my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
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