people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
