I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
