he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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