I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
