In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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